Embassy of Heaven

Kingdom Canyon Press

 

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Laugh away your troubles

Roy:

"Did you hear about the angel who lost his job?"

Joy:

"What happened?"

Roy:

"He had harp failure!"


Sootman

 

Reg:

"Hey Bob, how do you like your
new chimney sweeping job?"

Bob:

"It soots me!"

 

 


Question:

Why does electricity shock people?

Answer:

It doesn't know how to conduct itself.


Eve was the first woman
to eat herself out of house and home.


Ed:

"Why does a dog wear more clothes in summer than in winter?"

Sid:

"Because in winter a dog wears a coat, but in summer he wears a coat, and pants, too."


Richcow

 

Pat:

"Why did the farmer feed
his cow money?"

Lori:

"He wanted rich milk."

 


Ms Jones:

"Why are you knitting three socks?"

Ms Smith:

"My son says he's grown another foot since he went to the mission."


Tom:

"What runs around the farmyard, yet never moves?"

Kate:

"The fence."


Two Hollywood goats found some old film
and began to eat it.

"Is it good?" asked one.
"Yes, but I liked the book better," answered the other.


Question:

Why is a bad riddle like a poor pencil?

Answer:

Because it has no point.


Nice man:

"May I hold your hand?"

Grandma:

"No thanks. It's not heavy."


Spoon throat

 

Doctor:

"How's the man who
swallowed the spoon?"

Nurse:

"He can hardly stir."

 

 


Question:

Why does a tall man eat less than a short one?

Answer:

Because he makes a little go a long way.


Question:

Why do flowers seem lazy?

Answer:

Because you often find them in beds.


Comb

 

Question:

What did the bald man say when
he got a comb for a present?

Answer:

"Thank you, I'll never part with it."

 

 

 


Question:

What did Franklin say when he discovered electricity in lightning?

Answer:

Nothing. He was too shocked.


Question:

I have cities without houses, forests without trees, rivers without water. What am I?

Answer:

A map.


Question:

Why did the chicken cross the street?

Answer:

For fowl purposes.


Question:

Why didn't the skeleton cross the street?

Answer:

He did not have the guts.


Question:

Where were the first doughnuts made?

Answer:

In Greece.


Octopus

 

Question:

How did the octopus
go into battle?

Answer:

Well armed.

 


Friend:

"Why are you limping?"

Mosquito:

"I came through the screen door and strained myself."


Tom:

"This match won't light."

Ned:

"What's the matter with it?"

Tom:

"I don't know. It worked a minute ago."


Question:

What did one tonsil say to the other?

Answer:

"Get dressed. The doctor is taking us out tonight."


Question:

What did one math book say to another?

Answer:

"I've got problems!"


Question:

What starts with T, ends with T, and is full of T?

Answer:

A teapot.


Diner:

"This coffee tastes like mud."

Waiter:

"Well it was ground this morning."


Question:

What did the jack say to the car?

Answer:

"I'll give you a lift."


Question:

When does an Irish potato change it's nationality?

Answer:

When it becomes French fries.


Question:

Why do birds fly north?

Answer:

Because its too far to walk.


Question:

What has a foot and a head, but cannot walk or think?

Answer:

A hill.


Question:

What is the difference between a tailor and a stable boy?

Answer:

One mends a tear, and the other tends a mare.


Question:

Who are the best bookkeepers?

Answer:

People who never return the books you lend to them.


Question:

Why does the moon go to the bank?

Answer:

To change quarters.


Question:

What is bought by the yard yet worn by the foot?

Answer:

Carpet.


Question:

What is the difference between a bad boy and a postage stamp?

Answer:

One you stick with a lick, and the other you lick with a stick.


Question:

What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?

Answer:

The pavement.


Question:

What must you keep after giving to someone else?

Answer:

Your word.


Question:

If two is company and three is a crowd, what is four and five?

Answer:

9.


cloth

 

Two pieces of prison clothing lay
on a table after being ironed.
One said: "I'll be put away,
but you'll be hung."

 


Crab

 

Diner:

"Do you serve crabs here?"

Waiter:

"We serve anyone, sir.
Please sit down."

 

 

 


Pray tell me, listener, if you can,
Who is that highly favored man
Who, though he marries many a wife,
May still stay single all his life.

A Pastor.